The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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