i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
