Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
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I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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