Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
