Umm I'm too high to move.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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