if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.