I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.