Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

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  (206): Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking. http://tfl.nu/kuj0
  Replies (11) Good night (804) Bad night (4047)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate

  (415): View more from California

  i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube

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  (702): chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate (415): i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube http://tfl.nu/nhs2
  Replies (8) Good night (2276) Bad night (557)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??

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  (504): Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass?? http://tfl.nu/uw3d
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.

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  (224): bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh. http://tfl.nu/hyh0
  Replies (5) Good night (4203) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page

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  (513): some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page http://tfl.nu/1sgh
  Replies (37) Good night (921) Bad night (4077) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.

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  (425): I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning. http://tfl.nu/lhtu
  Replies (54) Good night (3684) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?

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  (503): I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant? http://tfl.nu/9d2p
  Replies (15) Good night (582) Bad night (3027) Order T-Shirt
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.

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  (229): He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records. http://tfl.nu/dlha
  Replies (41) Good night (8877) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

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  (410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03
  Replies (97) Good night (4189) Bad night (9662) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?

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  (206): At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall? http://tfl.nu/7soh
  Replies (11) Good night (2840) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid

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  (573): My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid http://tfl.nu/x6gk
  Replies (7) Good night (977) Bad night (2813) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off

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  (401): yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off http://tfl.nu/phv1
  Replies (2) Good night (1652) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?

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  (931): Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me? http://tfl.nu/cqgr
  Replies (6) Good night (536) Bad night (2032) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.

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  (360): All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower. http://tfl.nu/z2xv
  Replies (15) Good night (1385) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.

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  (205): Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink. http://tfl.nu/5avj
  Replies (5) Good night (766) Bad night (335)

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