I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
how can u be prego again
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples