good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.