I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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