1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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