woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
