pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
