I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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