he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
