I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
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so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize