thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dick very happy bro
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
