I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
