New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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