Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
