come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
