I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
