Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
