Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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