i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
