i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
