i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
