u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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