The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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