i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
