I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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