so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
