in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
