In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
