if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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