the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
