Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
