she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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