Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
