Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Someone shit on the floor
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
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i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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