saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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