you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
