Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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