a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
