i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
