Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
