My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
