It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
