remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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