I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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