walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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