I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So vagazzling was a success
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
