if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish you could order shots online.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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