If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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