her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
