and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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