Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
