hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
