He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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