just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
wow bdsm is so cute
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize