her vagine was all disorganized.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
