it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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