My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
