If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
