We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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