So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
is wine microwaveable?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
