I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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