pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
