You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
