Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
