after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
