If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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