We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
