it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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