at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
