Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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