thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
