Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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