Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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