A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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