Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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