I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
