From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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