3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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