i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
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Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
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I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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