I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
